Those Advice given by My Dad Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - going on a few days away, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."