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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to discover that a prominent writer a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to use the facilities in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|