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Encountering refusal, notably when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. A publisher is turning you down, giving a firm “Nope.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I started proposing manuscripts 50 years back, right after completing my studies. Since then, I have had several works rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous essays. During the recent two decades, specializing in personal essays, the denials have only increased. Regularly, I get a setback every few days—totaling in excess of 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections over my career exceed a thousand. At this point, I might as well have a PhD in rejection.

However, is this a self-pitying outburst? Far from it. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: At this point, just about every person and their relatives has said no. I haven’t tracked my acceptance statistics—it would be very discouraging.

For example: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 articles consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors vetoed my memoir proposal before one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents passed on a book pitch. An editor even asked that I send my work less often.

The Phases of Setback

In my 20s, every no were painful. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my work being rejected, but myself.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? How could editors be blind to my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Certainly it’s the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my efforts? You’re stupid and their outlet stinks. I reject your rejection.
• After that, anger at them, followed by frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (often seasoned with optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, despair. I’m not talented. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Accounts of writers whose work was originally rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. Since they did overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in races. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and bid to appear were turned down numerous times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and get going, not backing down,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I entered the last step of setback. Understanding. Currently, I grasp the many reasons why a publisher says no. Firstly, an publisher may have already featured a like work, or be planning one in the pipeline, or simply be thinking about that idea for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the editor feels I don’t have the experience or stature to succeed. Or is no longer in the field for the wares I am offering. Maybe was too distracted and scanned my piece too quickly to see its quality.

Feel free call it an awakening. Everything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Some rationales for denial are forever not up to you.

Within Control

Others are your fault. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be flawed. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or an aspect about my writing style, especially commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve published multiple works—my first when I was 51, another, a memoir, at retirement age—and over 1,000 articles. Those pieces have appeared in newspapers major and minor, in regional, worldwide platforms. My debut commentary ran when I was 26—and I have now written to that publication for half a century.

Yet, no blockbusters, no author events publicly, no spots on TV programs, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily take rejection at this stage, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the blows of my frequent denials. I can choose to be reflective about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what lessons have I gained?

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